BREAKING NEWS! SCOTT MORRISON ANNOUNCES ALL KOALAS TO BE VACCINATED

The Prime Minister of Australia, Scott Morrison today announced that all koalas will be vaccinated. The announcement was made in the Prime Minister’s 11am twitter feed.

Sandy Goblet, Chief Koala Scientist from the International Save Koalas Foundation expressed his concerns. “There are still challenges ahead of us. And unanswered questions. Will koalas be offered the choice of the Astra Zeneca vaccine and the Pfizer vaccine? What restrictions will koalas face if they are anti vaxxers? And we are demanding compensation for koalas who have lost loved ones while waiting for the Prime Minister to act.”

“We will consider all options,” Prime Minister Morrison stated. “I have allocated $1 billion for the vaccination of koalas over the next 2 years. It was funds that were earmarked for the proposed western Sydney hospital but the people in western Sydney’s eating habits are so poor, and their rate of smoking so high that it would have been a waste of taxpayers money,” he said. “There will be no new hospital in western Sydney until the number of McDonalds outlets is reduced by fifty percent.”