The Dailydrex

Friday, July 19, 2024



Dailydrex: Thanks for coming in Ben. Our readers are on knifes edge waiting to hear what you’ve got to say. Our female readers are all in love with you, and probably half the male readers too.

Ben Roberts-Smith: Well, that’s the problem, isn’t it. Every time I get my photo taken with a female lawyer, or talk to a female journalist, the media goes into a frenzy because they think I’m shagging them.

Dailydrex: Are you shagging them?

Ben Roberts-Smith: No! Of course not! Why would I be? I’m shagging half the women at the gym so why do I need to shag brainy type lawyers and journalists? Who do you think I am? Superman? And besides, I have a penchant for middle eastern women.

Dailydrex: I guess that’s why you’re in Court Ben. They’re not saying you’re Superman. What they are accusing you of is that you’re Rambo.

Ben Roberts-Smith: Well, what do you think I went to Afghanistan for? A holiday? I went there to sort those crazy people out.

Dailydrex: The Australian people know that Ben. But they expect you to sort them out more gently. Without killing innocent people and people with one leg.

Ben Roberts-Smith: Right. And how am I supposed to do that? Go up to the one legged guy and say “Excuse me sir. Sorry to disturb you. But do you have a hand grenade tucked in your prosthetic leg?” No way. I shoot the guy first, and then look at his prosthetic leg where I find a hand grenade.

Dailydrex: And what about your guys drinking champagne out of the prosthetic leg? It doesn’t look good, doers it Ben.

Ben Roberts-Smith: I want to ask the Australian people this. Do you get stressed out at work sometimes. Like when the stapler jams. Or the coffee machine breaks down? Well so do we in Afghanistan. Except it was when my corporal got blown up by a 16 year old kid who offered him an apple with one hand and a grenade with the other. So if my guys drink champagne out of a prosthetic leg to let off steam, so what? Who are we hurting?

Dailydrex: But Ben. The Australian people expect better from an elite soldier like you.

Ben Roberts-Smith: Yeah? Well how about sending the Australian people to Afghanistan because if they haven’t been to Afghanistan, as far as I’m concerned, they are not qualified to comment on what they expect, and I’m not interested in anything they have to say.

Dailydrex: Well, Ben. I hope you go okay in the court case.

Ben Roberts-Smith: Probably not. Those smart assed lawyers know how to twist things round. Now they’re saying I murdered six people.

Dailydrex: Did you murder six people, Ben?

Ben Roberts-Smith: Don’t you start now. No. I didn’t murder six people.

Dailydrex: Well, Ben, how did the six people die then?

Ben Roberts-Smith: I killed them. That’s how.

Dailydrex: Okay. Got it.

Ben Roberts-Smith:All I know is this. I risk my life fighting in a hopeless war, which we shouldn’t even be in. There’s minus zero chance of winning, and when I miraculously manage to get back to civilisation in one piece, everyone wants to shred me to pieces.

Dailydrex: Life sucks.

Ben Roberts-Smith: Tell me about it.